tired of not being able to say what is truly on my mind. this will do. :)

So, school isn't going as easy as I thought it would and I'm more or less failing Spanish because my teacher grades us as if we were born in Spain. It's getting way busy, so I don't know how I'm going to find time in November to work on NaNoWriMo.

o.o

The people are fine of course, but there's no one knew, and I love my buddies, but I only have about three really close ones. The others--our pretend relationships are much cooler than our real ones, and we all know we're pretending, what with the hugs and "Ily!"s, but we're all too scared to say so. But I guess it's better than nothing.

I just wish someone new would come, someone intelligent, open, fun--a guy, I mean. I do have two really close girl friends like that. But all my guy friends, they're all too reserved, too light, not that I don't like to joke around and have a fun time...but sometimes it's nice to discuss the deeper things in life. And the ones that are serious are too serious and just completely bring me down. Basically, all the guys are all either clowns or completely duds.

Perhaps just my standards are too high. But I'm sure there's someone out there...Have I said this before? I can't wait to get out of here.

Well, I probably won't be saying this in about a week or so, but I am so so very glad to start school again. I feel like I truly have a chance to start again, and though I'm already starting to dread some classes, others are going to make it all worth it. And after all that maturing I got last year, after all those experiences and all those insights I've received, I feel I can make this year one of the best. I am so excited to see what it'll all hold, and I'll make just one promise to myself, for now anyways.

I Will Live For the Moment, and Smile through Every Second, so that I might say, when I Look Back, that I've enjoyed My Sophomore Year.

you know what makes people unique? their skills. everyone needs some defining skill of some sort. and i've got none.

i'm not a very coordinated person, to say the least. I'm the sort the driving teachers avoid, the sort that can make glass break by just looking at it. (i suppose that could be my skill. not a very appreciated one, unfortunately.)

writing i'm ok at, i'd be good at music if it weren't for the fact that my uncoordinated fingers wouldn't move like i tell it to. everything else, i'm a disaster at.

i can't draw in a straight line, for instance. i fear videogames. my handwriting is worse than atrocious. my little brothers can beat me in just about every sport, except for running, but....you know. they're little.

what should i do????

Perhaps you've heard Nerina Pallot's song "Learning to Breathe". The lyrics are amazing like all her songs. I've got a bit of work to do, to learn to breathe.

It's also been said, by some sagacious man, that humans have figured out everything except how to live. How do you live?

I've got to teach myself a few things. Like stop being so uptight and learning to laugh. Like when all my friends are laughing and I'm sitting there like a stone, not knowing if it's because I don't get what's so funny or just because I don't think it is. I don't think a lot of what they laugh at as funny. But maybe that's because I don't let myself.

I've also got to learn to let go of pretensions, because I do pretend, though I loathe and mock all others that don't stick to their true selves.

Perhaps I should be less of a cynic.